2006-10-29 :: 2:30 p.m.
The other day I was driving home. On the long stretch of the highway of this 1 and a half hour drive, there is nothing good on the radio. I don't ever buy CDs but one of the CDs I have is a Dashboard Confessional CD. Come to think of it, this was the last CD I bought and it was released in April 2005. So I insert the CD into the CD player and it started playing the first song, which is "Hands Down" my most favorite DC song ever.
It got me thinking and remember of the good old days of Diaryland. There was a guy, such as the guy in this entry: http://aliblogs.diaryland.com/031130_69.html (it has been so long that I don't even remember how to link anymore!). His name is Greg. He used to live in NY and he was planning to move to TX last time we spoke.
I never met Greg in person but we did know each other through e-mail, diary entries, many AIM conversations and phone calls. I was in love with him but he was in love with somebody else who did not love him. A few other girls also wanted him but the way he acted showed me that he only really cared for me. He just wasn't in love with me.
I loved him and cared about him a lot. He is someone that if I ever had a son, I would want him to be just like Greg. He was caring, passionate, very smart, loving with a very good heart. He was a good man. We shared similar interests. He was the one who really got me into emo music and turned me into a big DC fan. We used to exchange lyrics during our AIM conversations rather than actually having conversations. We used to skip classes just to talk to each other. I loved him.
I cried a lot, wondering and wishing that he would see just much I did care and wanted to be with him. He told me he loved me too but he was too much in love with another girl to be with me. For example, we'd be talking on the phone. She would find out, get mad at us and he would hang up with me to calm her down. She didn't want to be with him but she wouldn't let him go. It was unfair.
I read past entries such as this http://aliblogs.diaryland.com/031123_88.html and it makes me want to cry. I went through so much emotion during that time that I wanted to be with Greg. It was such a big part of my life and I never imagined I could want someone so bad...someone I had never even met face to face!
And then out of nowhere, this guy named Ty comes along. He showered me with attention and he was right in front of me, not all the way at the other end of the states. I could not resist. I had never had a real boyfriend before and it was my senior year of high school. I started not being online more and more. Greg got very upset and made me pick between him or Ty. I got upset at him because all these times that I did want to be with him, he ignored my wishes! In the end, I stopped talking to Greg and began my journey with Ty.
I read past entries on the beginning of Ty and I's relationship. After reading it, I realized just how naive I was. You can tell from my entries just how excited and thrilled I am about finally having someone who wanted to be with me romantically...not just as friends. I still missed Greg but I was too caught up with Ty to think about it.
Going back to current times, listening to Dashboard Confessional made me think of Greg. It also made me so sad and I miss him so much. I wish we had kept in touch. I don't know where he is now and I have no way of getting in touch with him. He was a great friend to me and he has such a special place in my heart. I don't think I have ever gotten over him completely because we never had a chance to be together. Maybe someday in the future we'll meet or at least talk (just talking is good enough for me!). I would be so happy.
Life nowadays is good to me. A lot has changed since my last Diaryland entry. Ty and I lasted until April 2005. I broke it off with him because things got worse and worse and I was moving on with my life and future while he was still struggling and in the same place. I was 19 and I needed to be with a man...not a little boy. He went to a party, got drunk, cursed me out and called me names. I broke it off with him and didn't look back.
I met a guy in my Women's History class a few days later. We had been in the same class the entire semester but we had never said anything to each other. He sat next to me that fateful day and asked me for a piece of paper. I gave him a sheet but soon realized that he probably thought I was mean because we were taking lots of notes and he only had one sheet of paper! So midway through class I pushed more papers his way (a thick stack this time). We talked when class was over and he walked me to my car. We exchanged phone numbers.
His name is Boyce and I am pleased to say that we are still very much together. We didn't do much of the dating thing. I went over to his house the next day (I would say this shamefully but I am not) and we had sex. More than once. What can I say? I had lost my virginity August of 2004 and I was very interested in sex and exploring but Ty didn't want to do much. He mostly wanted to make out and I wanted sex! From August 2004 to April 2005 when we broke up, Ty and I probably had sex a total of 10 times. That's sad.
I found what I needed, at least physically in the beginning, in Boyce. He was more than willing to satisfy and I was more than willing to try (almost) anything. We were crazy with each other and did it many many times during the day. But our relationship didn't just start out physically. We did spend a lot of time together talking, getting to know each other and going places. I loved his sense of humor and the way I felt so safe in his arms.
Our relationship blossomed. Nowadays we don't have sex as much (but it is still as good!) and we are living our lives. We have lived together for almost a year now. Our little one bedroom apartment is very nice with high ceilings, a fireplace, washer and dryer and even a pantry in the kitchen (my favorite part)!
We also have a baby! It's actually our puppy but he is my baby. He is almost 6 months old and we got him a couple of months ago. His breed is Westie (West Highland White Terrier) and he loves us very much. His name is Brody and he is my very first dog. It has been a quite interesting experience. It was rough when we first got Brody for Boyce and I. We argued a lot but we have since settled in and are now very much enjoying each other's company. We are going to take a vacation this Friday & Saturday to Monterey beach...just the two of us. Not even Brody is coming. I am very excited.
As far as school, I only need a couple more units to transfer. I fell behind one semester than planned because I wanted to take my time and also because of my job. I am a marketing assistant for a landscape architecture and sports fields designer/planner firm. I love my job and I work there 36 hours a week. I have been there for over 5 months.
Live is good and I am enjoying my independence. I like having my own place that I can call home and I finally got a dog...something I have wanted my entire life. My boyfriend loves me and treats me with respect.
I may write here again some time soon. As you may notice I haven't really changed anything to the left. For example, it still says Ali loves Ty. This is no longer true of course. Oh and Ty did chase me around and tried to get back with me after I broke things off but it didn't work. The way Boyce treated me is so much different that the way Ty did. Boyce has a steady job with his own place and his own transportation. Ty did not have a job and was living with his mom and driving around in MY car. Like I said, I want a man not a little boy.
MOVED!
2005-05-19 :: 5:04 p.m.
love you all!
